Id never treat him as she does! She wants no part of it. Id like to hear how you feel. 5. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. I totally understand your story. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. Didnt mean to lump all this on You but your comment triggered something. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. Cause it needs done. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! so that leaves to so totally frustrated angry resentful and I hate to say it but it is beginning to I think turn to I hate her. Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. We cant really talk about it because the very subject causes her great depression because she feels like its all her fault and that she is failure as a lover. * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: If not he should go on in it. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. The nipple is not an on and off switch. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. We try not to get in each others way and we havent had a conversation in years. I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. I had four children from a previous marriage, I had a tubal ligation reversal so we could have a child of our own, By serious good luck, we had one. Think back to the time when you were dating. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. No sex 7 years!!! It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. Leaving her is not an option. I cannot speak for everyone, but I think we are all sexual beings with desire. But on the other side Id the coin, Im dying for not having any kind of touch. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. What shallow view of the problem. That means you could wait forever for your wife to just want sex. Now its too late. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. Super heart broken!!! But I have my workshop where I fix cars and my wood shop. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. To answer your question from my 69-year old, male POV: I spoil her all the time. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. Addie * RECOMMENDED CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT AND UNCOMMENT 3. Please help. It literally changed our lives. Let them know how their refusal to engage with you sexually has affected you emotionally, physically, mentally and pyschologically. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. goodluck! Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! She is against the idea of therapy. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. Go out and kill a hog, punch a younger guy in the face, ride a harley, do a steroid cycle. I bet you think all men are stupid as well. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. We could be spontaneous. I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. What should the husband do. Been in sexless marriage for 45 years! My wife and I are celebrating 48 years together in January. Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? Here's her full guide to prioritizing sex as parents. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. And lots of different health issues and life circumstances can affect your hormones, as can taking hormonal birth control (i.e., the pill). Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). At your age, dont run until you exhaust all your options. While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. But from a womans standpoint, we need emotional love BIG TIME before we can go there. If thats the reason why your wife avoids intimacy, you have to drive home the importance of intimacy between a couple for a happy, healthy marriage. I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. All that said, unless your wife has a known health condition that she's currently managingor she's had a very sudden and significant change in her sex drivedon't assume that her lack of interest in having sex with you means something is medically wrong with her. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. In fact, I dont even feel were friends at this point, as we rarely speak to one another (unless I initiate a conversation) and whenever I try and initiate any affection or even merely suggest sex, he bristles, becomes hostile and defensive and thats that. Or simplify it by bringing home her favorite wine and dining on your patio after the kids are in bed. She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. My husband and I both have gained weight. I still plan/need to continue working in a high tech job many hours a week, with excellent insurance, which is fortunate, and there is no way she can drive or work for several decades now. I am not willing to live the last 15-20 years of my life without affection, at least. Women love that. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Demanding sex is not way to go, maybe we would like to hear her opinion. There is a lot more going on there. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. All I could think of was him dying because I had to have sex. If they did, they would be taking care of business! That never goes away for most women or men. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. I love it communicate, tell her how you feel. Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! BUT I agree If I was an electronic game, or a bead of some kind I would get some attention.. We have had a very good sex life up until a few years ago, and she has had many good sexual adventures. 5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100Tampa, FL 33609(813) 222-8300, Copyright 2022 Family First, INC. All Rights Reserved.Site Design by Design Extensions, 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. If youre living with a gut feeling that your wife avoids intimacy on purpose, it may be time to take matters into your hand to rejuvenate your relationship. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. He is ten years older. Not!! Marriage is hard work, but worth every moment when the effort is reciprocated. Seriously? If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. They may be finding fulfilment on the computer/phone with others (just a guess) and so thats a big problem right there. That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. 60s, 70s. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant Here after all of this, what I am trying to say Stan, is if you feel as if your wife really and truly does not want to have anything to do with sex, maybe, as with my wife, her spirit has been broken and if that is the case, she very much needs your understanding more than ever before in your marriage. But it should not stop like this as it hampering your life. Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. I dont look my age at all! What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. At that time my job became demanding. Sure I wish I could be confident in her skin too but Im not going to let it overwhelm me. However I worked as much at home since someone had to do it. I do not believe love will demand it as a duty but love also doesnt hand over the relationship to the destructive forces and temptations, The older I get the more confident I am She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! I have the same problem I love my wife but I need sex. Many of us could not conceive of divorcing because we have spent a lifetime waiting around to be shown once again that we are desired by the one person we have shared our lives with and still very much love. So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. . We dated for 30 years and finally got married. I cant make the same wages I did before my illness, but added to my retirement money, it can get close. Wish I could off you more of a solution but I think things either go on the way they are or there has to be come conclusion. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. The females in my family have unusually strong sex drives. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. I have no idea what to do. In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. I am very attracted sexually to my wife and it hurts my ego that she isnt at all. I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. Dear Joan, During our engagement I made it crystal clear that my sex drive was high & she was the perfect woman to relieve it. I am happy all the time, my hair is twice as thick as it was before, I had urge incontinence, which completely disappeared, it cut my knee joint pain in half, and best of all, I love sex again. My wife and I have been married 20 years. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. I have what may be slight ED..but offered to stimulate and play at sex often..there are some really fun marital Bull. Just a thought. Here are some things that you can try if you want to get intimate with your spouse. It is an axiom of mate selection in nature that males display and females choose. No way! s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. Men listen carefully If your wife stopped having sex with you after marriage she will NEVER regain that desire for you. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. Got lost there. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, You are so right. . U have no choice but to leave!!! I understand completely!!!! LoL. Ive tried all the normal things too. The last time I had sex was in 1997. I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. I always ask if Im doing the right things and she says yes. My spouse of 40 years has no lnterest ln sex ,he does not touch me exsept when on the couch he puts his leg over mine and hugs me before we go to bed as l have scoliosis and need to sleep ln a diff bed we go to places together and we get along he says lt is his prostate which the Dr confirmed but l feel lf he really wanted to he could he says after an o lt bothers him ,l love him,but feel he ls angry at me for stupid mistakes l made in the past not cheating but as cracked up our car ,l just want to feel loved,he bought me flowers for mothers day but l bitched as. What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. I feel your frustration. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? Loved and desired! Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. I realized that her life and passion are our girls (which she refers to as her girls). My wife avoids spending time with me. If this is a real concern for you then ask yourself was there ever any infidelity or cheating on your part? I am 67 and my wife is 62. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. How about finding self-worth in volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen? I dont know what to do! Hmmm. We have not slept in the same room for years because of his snoring. . I am fine with him pleasuring himself and even using porn is fine. If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. You are so right, I should leave but feel guilty, leaving over sex. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. The less stressed she is, the more free space she has in her mind to devote to all things naughty. Your story is very very simular to mine. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls?