Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. I like backpacking/camping and my husband does not (at least, not for extended periods of time). And honestly he would be the first to say that the breaks when Im away, and he can eat PBJ sandwiches for dinner, are refreshing for him too. New Message From: MayaSubject: Iwent home after overhearing myhusband and his mom saying they didnt want metobeapart ofthe family vacation.Every year, myhusband goes onafamily vacation. fractured ending scene; harold bornstein obituary cause of death; can you play volleyball with a torn acl; gambar teguh sugianto. Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. Pressuring/guilting him into not going? Honestly, it feels awful. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). People have stranger danger drilled into their heads, but woman are far more likely to be hurt/assaulted/murdered by a domestic partner or acquaintance. I went for the first time over the summer. Theres concern, and then theres overreacting. Im not diagnosing at all. Even if I didnt hear from him or vice verse, we are adults. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. No, but I feel like almost every thread, somebody chimes in with an armchair anxiety diagnosis. I am angered that every time I have to go he seems to have an emotional breakdown. And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip?? Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. However, the husband is being ridiculous. Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. He needs to get over this, though if for no other reason than the financial security of the family. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. I gave the ring back soon after. Theres like 1 hour of down time. Ack. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). And at the end of the day, it doesnt matter because every time, its about something that doesnt really have a right or wrong answer. Scheduled calls are a great idea. I went to Vegas for an academic conference once and it was soooo super tame. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. The thing is he takes work trips more often than I do! We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. When I was there, I went to museums, saw a few shows, visited a shopping centerall during the day (except the shows) and safe. Actually, it would be easy for my husband to find someone who shares these views. I totally went on a family trip to Vegas when I was like 12 or so, and there was plenty of family friendly stuff to do. Obviously you were in horrific fiery car crash. Nope. My anxiety would destroy her ability to enjoy herself, and thats not fair of me. Las Vegas facilities can serve dinner to 5000+ people in less than 30 minutes without breaking a sweat. I go to Vegas twice a year for fun, and while you can get into the seedier side of it IF YOU WANT TO, its also very, VERY easy to not get into it all. With NUNS. I would completely understand if my partner were worried if I needed to go on one of these trips, but if he tried to FORBID me from goingyeah, that wouldnt go well for him. This. Twenty. If its my wife is going to a business conference.. Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. One of my favorite business trips was a 3-day solo trip to Vegas. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. And do not to the best of your ability get wrapped up or play into his anxieties, or irrational fears. Because thats the only possible response to that stunt. It seems a loving husband would have found a way for his wife to attend her best friends wedding. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. To the letter writer, if your husband walked into a therapists office with Anonymous Posters comment and said, Thats what I want, the therapist would either be able to teach him that skill or refer him to someone who can. This advice is enabling his negative behaviors. So its not like its all new. Hes already proven himself to be irrational, I think his presence will not help LW even a little. Im so sorry, Emma. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. Hope you will enjoy the holiday! Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. The place smells like cigarette smoke. I certainly didnt want to give that impression! Ah, sorry, didnt say they were the only two choices! In fact, Ive been on more trips without my partner than I have with him! Yeah. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. Fine with me. This was my impression as well lodging, food, and entertainment is easy to get in Vegas, and (I would imagine) relatively less expensive than, say, a retreat in Napa. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party.. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? Hahahaha! should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. Whether he is abusive, controlling, insecure, or driven by unmanageable anxiety we dont know. Usluge graevinskih radova niskogradnje. The Sin City stuff is absolutely the product of creating a specific image through decades of marketing, not necessarily a real reflection of what its like. Ive only been to Vegas twice. Dont give him information that he will then twist (anxiety twists everything) and dont waste your time or your energy you need that for other things. Everyone except family becomes a drunk driving human trafficker after sunset. Just because people traveling for pleasure to Las Vegas give the impression that its a place to go wild, thats not what a work retreat/meeting is going to be like in any way. And people loooooove the lotto tix here. (except those gun dangers present everywhere in the US.). If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. Lots to see and do. -OPs husband, probably. Dont engage with his arguments. OP, I agree with the advice you dont have to choose between your marriage and your job if you dont want to. I understand where youre coming from, but this board sees people from all over the world, and there are still lots of places and lots of religious/cultural environments where patriarchal/masculine control/policing of womens behavior/assuming the worst of women is absolutely the norm, and there are enough of them scattered around everywhere that I dont think its a case of not everyone can have sandwiches.. What if the wife had a job that required lots of travel, but paid well and allowed them to live a good lifestyle. Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. Why wont he go on the trip with you? Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. This is NOT putting a judgement on those activities, but all of them can and do carry a pretty significant risk load (money spent, possible diseases, lost time, etc) and thats why in general, society rates them as vices. When I talk to my friends nowadays (still in Ohio, btw! He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. I will never ever return or step foot in an obnoxious casino. Or leave? It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) :). Can everyone please stop armchair diagnosing? You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. Havent read the comments to see if this is talked about yet, but I feel like religion has a play here I can see uber conservative religions having more problems with this situation than anything else. My mom is convinced that as soon as the sun goes down, everyone is a drunk driver. Co-worker had a wonderful time. He does that three to four times a year. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party. Youve never met them, but that doesnt mean that they dont exist. People buy life insurance for people they love all the time, and dont tell them to stay at home all the time to avoid the risks. It was literally created by the mob and has legalized prostitution and gambling. I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. If I went home today and told my husband, My work is sending me on a business trip to Las Vegas in 3 months, this would be his response: Wow, honey, thats great! Go on the trip, do not jeopardize that job, youll need it when you come to your senses and get rid of this guy. I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) We went to the Grand Canyon, went ziplining in the mountains and had a great without ever stepping in a casino. Is it possible that the way OPs husband expressed this question to his friends was leading? Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. Instead, things got worse. Its like he thinks Vegas exists in some parallel universe with different logic and laws of physical, and that upon landing in Vegas all of his wifes usual behavioral norms and all concern for her life beyond Vegas will simply evaporate. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down.
Husband Hates Socializing - Chabad.org Sadly, that would be a culture that supports controlling behavior. Hes not Master of the House. And absolutely do not let his anxiety limit your life. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. I would idd consider flying. The counseling would then help them sort out their individual issues as well as provide them tools to handle the communitys judgment as well. Its just Vegas (and Disney) are more designed to keep you inside their controlled, predictable corporate environment so as to better separate you from your money. But its a pretty serious one-off. Couples therapy, NOW, to sort out this huge red flag. I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. We get to decide what level of irrationality we are willing to handle in a relationship and if its based in fear and being used to limit who you want to be, that just doesnt work. I played Princess Bride slots for 45 minutes. I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. Eating a meal? A year? I mean seriously? Omg that sounds so much like my mom. Youre better equipped than anyone here to judge whether hes capable of moving past his insecurities and choosing not to or if theyre something totally beyond his control, but you should get to the point of understanding that this is his own baggage and the only reasonable things you should feel about them is either sadness that your husband is falling to this sort of insane thinking or frustration that hes letting his insecurities get the better of him, whichever of those you think is more appropriate to your situation. Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . Because were not one being known collectively as The Couple, were two individuals who just really like each other, but also respect each others autonomy. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? Its OK to not be 100% available to handle his feelings 100% of the time! I said this above, but I read this phrase as his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. After my husband and I boarded the plane, I began my ritual of praying . I also dont think cultural relativity is relevant when OP is clearly uncomfortable with his behaviour. If we could afford flying we would have. When I was in grad school my mom once had a fit that I was walking home from class at around 4:45 pm on a random Tuesday evening. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. But it wont be easy. But where I was from, the vast majority of the people in the regionhundreds of thousands, not just a handfulaccepted these beliefs as reasonable. I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. Clearly youve been abducted. My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). Case in point: my father is terrified of everyone he loves dying and leaving him alone, to the point where I, as a 32 year old, was expected to text him and let him know when I left work, when I got home from work, if I was going out, if I was changing locations, etc. Your friend is a wise woman. Either hes lying, or hes manipulating these conversations so he hears only what he wants, or you guys need saner friends. Maybe Im wrong. Everyone he talks to agrees with him. Well, first of all, they dont. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). The Rio does have huge rooms! I also love Vegas. Its been a while, but the last time I went to Vegas, we went to a Cirque du Soleil show, did a lot of shoe shopping, and took a drive out to the hoover dam (and took a cool tour). Yeah, there were some shady businesses. Last I time I checked 2017 hadnt fully turned into The Handmaids Tale and women were allowed to travel for work without permission from their husband. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. It really sounds like your husband is trying to control you. I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. Shes gone twice now and all they do is drink and gamble! Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? I mean There isnta rash of kidnappings in Las Vegas, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas is an advertising slogan forcollege students and weddingparties, not a warning to spousesof business travelers. That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. I only wanted to get someplace, anyplace, without slot machines. Its like a bachelor/bachelorette people think they have a free pass because of the occasion and act way more out of line than they would at, say, a bridal shower. I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. Thats the issue here.
Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation If your husband has never traveled for business, and hasnt traveled much in his personal life, and his friends have similar life experiences, then its no wonder that hes created this scenario where all that happens in Vegas is affairs and crimes. But leave out the reasons, the excuses, the justifications and the emotions, as far as you can. Turned out my wife was in the backyard mowing but had taken a break before I drove up and my son was upstairs playing quietly on the computer. The letter writer husband is waving some pretty sizable red flags. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! Bonus was that the skills I learned translate to my professional and personal life *every day*. We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. There are tons of families and people who live in Vegas or visit Vegas and do pretty normal things. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. I mean, the worst thing that happened to me in Vegas was that I came back 10 pounds heavier from all the buffets. You have to have the autonomy in your relationship to perform the required duties of your job; its not like youre going to shaking it on top of a table at the Cosmopolitan. Travel tip: if you go into a bar whose name would make Hooters say whoa, too obvious and use your corporate AmEx to cut lines of coke, you are probably going to run into some trouble. For work. Keep in mind that your partner is occasionally on edge, as being polite throughout an entire family trip can feel like a job." AKA: Don't be surprised if your partner gets moody. I lounge by the pool, eat really good food, order wines not available in my area. My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. For heavent sake dont say it to him; dont want to give him any ideas. I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. Regardless of how we got here, its a problem that we as a couple are facing because of how Im viewing things. You won't have to look over, sideways, and under to find out when new Magic Key sales will be open again. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. He does worry about my safety. Ifthings are still strained, wewould recommend setting upanappointment with amediator ortherapist who specializes incouples therapy. Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. When your income is needed, you can take fewer risks by opting out of stuff at work. And (2) hes not paranoid, controlling or insecure. Plus those casinos take forever to walk across and they are saturated in smoke, blech! Yet he says he would not even go without me. It feels as if the OPs husband is just latching onto the location as an excuse. The most important part of travelling alone is that your lover is on the same page as you. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. Nothing magical about Vegas. Just my two cents. I agree. Contributors control their own work and . This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. And actually, trips apart are GOOD for our relationship, we miss each other like crazy after the first two days and it strengthens our bonds (and snuggles) when were reunited. $60/night + $30/night resort fee, and $30 worth of groceries for the week kept me out of the pricey restaurants.
Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? - FatherResource I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy?. You don't have to fake excitement about every little . the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. And the concerns mentioned about What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, sin city, dramatic kidnapping scenarios, etc. Husband used to do this to me every time I drove anywhere in the winter. Vegas strip is basically just that a massive neon strip mall with lots of people. But they definitely need marriage counseling. Only time we have really argued is this stupid Vegas trip which isnt mandatory. Nikada / iStock. They might feel left out or unimportant. (I lost 30 pounds not eating while she was away, and we both shed lots of tears at TSA seeing her off) Now, new project, wife just did 12 days in Portland just saw her off for 3 days planning there for another two week project there. Can you believe it? Maybe hes an abusive dick. Either way, hes being unreasonable and interfering with your career, andcounseling to figure out whats at the root of that is stilla good step here. She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. They might be mad that they're not invited . Good luck to you in standing firm. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. The husband may need counselling to discover why he willing to sabotage the family bread winner. (Note: relationship = 3-4 months of long-distance dating, which I quickly realized was a Bad Idea.) What level of dealing with him can you actually do during these three days AND be able to focus on your work stuff? My boyfriend loves Las Vegas, Ive gone several times and always have an excellent time.
husband doesn t want to go on family vacation (Also worth mentioning: The ways weve developed the concept of masculinity in the US mean that many guys express anxious feelings as anger, so look out for that too.) The other possibility is that hes skewing the hell out of the question somehow to make his stance seem more reasonable, like Would you guys be okay with your spouse taking off to Vegas and drinking and partying all weekend for work? Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. Im trying not to bring up the topic for awhile till he meets with a counselor individually or together. My wife has said that the best way to think about it is that theres a problem with how I view things. Something I would like you to keep in the back of your mind: I dont know whether your husband has anxiety or not, I dont know whether he is controlling or not. His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? But I suspect if I went for leisure, Id be bored out of my ever-loving mind. Id be wondering if it isnt time to reconsider the marriage. I have anxiety disorder and I do worry excessively (one time to the point of a panic attack) when my husband travels for work, but thats on me to manage. Or I can save you the time and point out that I characterized him as jealous and controlling, and never used the word yall seem determined to stick in my mouth. The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. Ehhh, I actually dont see so much wrong with friends weighing in on aspects of ones relationship when a friend comes to me and says, This is something thats happening in my relationship, would you call that problematic? I definitely dont say, Its none of my business! I give them my read of the situation, just as they do for me. Your stops will be longer because you'll have to take the baby out of the carseat for a little bit. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. Las Vegas hotels have cameras everywhere. He even did it the one time I was staying *in a convent*. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city.